Three Clever Hens
By Joseph A. Davis
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Beakyboo, Henna and Chickenella were no ordinary hens. For one thing, they were quite a bit more intelligent than any normal farmyard fowl. Of course, Henna might argue that Chickenella became much less intelligent whenever mealworms were involved, and Chickenella might say the same about Henna whenever she caught sight of a handsome rooster. But all three were clever enough to understand human speech, even if they didn’t find it particularly interesting. They could also make plans and do all kinds of other things one might assume that chickens could not do.
There was a reason for all of this, of course. All three of them regularly grazed on dragonweed, a special kind of pale, spiky grass that tended to grow up wherever the ground was fertilized with dragon manure. Dragonweed was as magical as it was flavorful, and it tended to give special powers to animals that ate it. For reasons that go without saying, there were quite a few patches of this special grass around the three hens’ home and workplace, Dragon Burger.
Dragon Burger was the finest restaurant in the land. It was, of course, run by a dragon, a scaly old fellow named Chomper. He liked breathing fire on fine ingredients and breathing in the resulting smells, and humans, gnomes and goblins all enjoy eating certain combinations of fine ingredients that have been slightly burned. Since Chomper also liked treasure and all these creatures often walk around with small amounts of treasure in their pockets, this eventually led to the creation of a restaurant.
Beakyboo, Henna and Chickenella worked at this restaurant as super free-range chickens, which was the other thing that made them different from ordinary hens. Their job was to wander around wherever they pleased, inside or outside the restaurant, and eat mealworms, dragonweed and whatever else they wanted. If one of them happened to lay an egg anywhere in the area, the dragon was free to use it to make his specialty, dragon-style eggs Benedict. (The three hens didn’t mind at all, since these weren’t the kinds of eggs that would hatch into chicks anyway.)
One day, as Chickenella was wandering around inside the restaurant looking for mealworms, she happened to overhear a whispered conversation between two humans dressed in shiny metal. They were talking about a piece of paper they had spread on the table in front of them. Apparently, it was a letter from the king of the neighboring kingdom Neighboralia, promising them a bunch of treasure if they could slay Chomper the Dragon. So they were busy planning how to go about it.
Chickenella didn’t find any of this particularly, interesting, but the paper looked like a good source of shredded paper for her to make a nest out of, and the two humans had a lot of tangly hair that just might contain meal worms.
Should Chickenella …
Try to get the paper and shred it?
Check their hair for mealworms?
Try to get the paper and shred it?
Chickenella hopped up onto a chair across from the two tin-plated humans. They were so engrossed in their conversation about how to slay Chomper without getting roasted that they didn’t even notice her admiring their beautiful cream-colored piece of paper. It really was premium-quality paper, probably the finest that the land of Neighboralia had to offer, and it looked like it had just the right thickness to make perfect shredded paper for a nest.
A movement by the entrance caught Chickenella’s eye. It was her older sister Henna, wandering into the restaurant. She would have to strike quickly before Henna could claim the paper for herself!
So Chickenella hopped up on the table and got to work using her sharp claws to try to turn the paper into perfect little strips.
The humans, who seemed not to the understand the value of perfect little strips of paper, let out a cry and tried to shoo her off the table. This attracted the attention of Henna, who came flapping over to squawk at them. “No one shoos my little sister!” she squawked.
In the resulting chaos, Chickenella grabbed the paper and tried to run off with it, but one of the humans grabbed the other side, so she only got half. Better half a paper than no paper, she thought, flapping up to the rafters to shred it in peace.
Meanwhile, Chomper the Dragon came out to see what the commotion was all about. When he saw the two humans trying to shoo one of his super free-range chickens away – because that’s what they were doing to Henna now – he very nearly lost his temper. Then, when he seized the remaining half of the paper and read it to find out what had started the problem in the first place, he became really upset.
“So,” he growled, confronting the two humans with smoke pouring from his nostrils, “you came here to slay me and get a treasure.”
“W-well, um, t-technically …” one of the humans said, shaking so hard his metal clothes rattled.
The dragon held up a scaly hand for silence. Each of his four fingers was tipped with a claw as long as a banana and more than ten times as sharp. “You came here to slay me for a great treasure, and all you ordered was two free waters and one plain biscuit to share? I’ll bet you weren’t even planning on leaving a tip, were you?
“We were, we were!” the other human insisted.
But the dragon didn’t believe a word of it. He reared back, opened his jaws lined with teeth the size and sharpness of smaller, pointier bananas, and did his worst. “No free dessert for you,” he said grimly.
“But, but …” one of the humans protested. “You can’t do that to us! It’s Cupcake Week!”
“No free dessert,” the dragon repeated. “Now get out of my restaurant! And I don’t want to see your faces here again – you’re banned for the rest of the week!”
The two humans left with their heads down. But Chomper was so happy that Henna had saved his life that he offered to grant her any wish in his power. Really, it was Chickenella who had foiled the two tin-plated humans’ wicked plans, but she didn’t mind. She was up in the rafters, happily shredding paper while her sister considered what to wish for.
Should Henna wish for …
The rest of the paper for shredding?
Check their hair for mealworms?
To be honest, Chickenella had never before found mealworms in a human’s hair. But there was a first time for everything, she thought, and she didn’t think there would be any harm in checking.
The humans, however, seemed to think there was a LOT of harm in checking. All she did was hop up onto one of their heads and peck around among his curls a little, but he started screaming and carrying on as if someone had let a fox loose in his human coop. His friend tried to shoo Chickenella away, and of course Henna, being a protective big sister, hurried to intervene.
“No one shoos my little sister!” she squawked, flapping straight at the humans.
In the ensuing chaos, Chomper the Dragon came out of the kitchen to see who was causing such a fuss in his restaurant. Unfortunately, he grabbed the piece of paper before Chickenella could. She was, however, able to make off with the plain biscuit that the two humans had been sharing. She took it up to the rafters, where she munched on it contentedly while Chomper studied the paper below.
“So,” he said after reading the signature at the bottom of the document, “the two of you thought you could just come in here, shoo one of my super free-range chickens and then help the King of Neighboralia slay me – and all you ordered was two free waters?”
“We did order a plain biscuit, too,” one of the humans pointed out. But neither of them could find it, since Chickenella was busy munching on it up in the rafters.
Chomper snorted with rage, smoke pouring from his nostrils. “I’ll bet you weren’t even planning on leaving me a five-star review, were you?”
“We were, we were!” the other human insisted.
But Chomper didn’t seem to believe a word of it. As the two humans shook with fear, he reared back, opened his mighty jaws lined with teeth as sharp as needles and almost as shiny if you’re using knitting needles made out of slightly shiny gray plastic, and he did his worst. “You’re going to have to take your waters to go,” he said, “and you may only help yourselves to one free lollipop from the dish on your way out.”
“But that’s not fair!” one of the humans protested. “There are two of us! What are we supposed to do – take turns licking the same lollipop?”
“Yeah, he might have germs!” his companion agreed.
“Too bad,” said the dragon. “You should have thought of that before conspiring with a foreign king to end my life.”
He went and got a paper bag for the two humans to put their waters in and watched them carefully as they argued about what kind of lollipop to take on the way out. Once they had finally agreed on watermelon and left with their heads down, the dragon turned to Henna.
“Because you have thwarted the schemes of the King of Neighboralia and saved my life,” he said, “I will grant you one wish. You may ask for anything you like. If it is within my power, I will do it for you.”
Technically speaking, it was Chickenella who had saved the day, but she didn’t really care. She was happily enjoying her plain biscuit up in the rafters while her sister chose.
Should Henna choose …
The paper, so she can turn it into paper shreds?
A rooster?
“It is no easy thing you ask me for,” Chomper the Dragon said. “But I shall do my best.” Then he raised his voice and shouted, “Anyone in here have a rooster?”
“Oh, I might,” a funny little gnome seated in a corner said, looking up from his bowl of scallion soup. He lifted his pointy red cap, and sure enough, a handsome red rooster hopped down off his head and strutted across the floor toward a little pile of crumbs that some messy lunch guests had left.
“How much do you want for the rooster?” the dragon asked.
The gnome considered. “Well, I am a gnome of simple tastes, and I already have everything a gnome could want – a brand new wheelbarrow, a red hat, six or seven potatoes, some delicious scallion soup …”
“Surely there must be something I could trade you for your rooster,” the dragon insisted.
The gnome considered. He checked the menu that lay on the table beside his plate. “Well, it is cupcake week,” he said. “How about an extra free cupcake for dessert?”
The dragon agreed, and with that, the red rooster officially became a part of the Dragon Burger crew.
Henna was in love. She followed the rooster everywhere, showing him around the restaurant and explaining various sights that they saw.
The rooster seemed only mildly interested, but then again, he had never tasted dragonweed, so he wasn’t quite as clever as Henna. He mostly just wandered around looking for dropped crumbs to eat. He did, however, seem impressed by the faucet Henna showed him in the kitchen. He even helped himself to a drink of water when she turned it on.
But after taking a few sips, he wandered off again to go look for more crumbs.
Henna was so distracted that she hurried after him, forgetting to turn the faucet off. Because there were some carrot peelings in the bottom of the sink, it started filling up slightly faster than it could drain, and the water level slowly rose, millimeter by millimeter. At that rate, the entire restaurant would be flooded after only a few weeks! In fact, if the water kept rising unchecked, it might flood the whole kingdom in just a few hundred thousand years!
Meanwhile, Chomper the Dragon was hard at work at the stove grilling some burgers, completely unaware of the growing disaster behind him.
Thankfully, Beakyboo happened to wander in to get a drink of water. She helped herself to a few sips. Then, since she was older and perhaps slightly wiser than her sisters Henna and Chickenella, she turned the faucet off, saving the entire kingdom.
Unfortunately, nobody noticed her heroic act. They did notice another disaster, though.
“The moon! The moon!” a tall human with long, gray hair cried, running into the kitchen with a collapsible telescope tucked under her arm. She was the royal astronomer.
“What’s wrong with the moon?” Chomper asked, looking up from his work with the burgers.
“We’ve lost it!” the astronomer cried. “It’s gotten away! Vanished! I can’t find it in the sky anywhere!”
The dragon furrowed his scaly brow. “That does sound like a problem,” he said. “Sadly, I’m too busy with these burgers to do anything about it right now. But I have three super free-range chickens who are usually good at this kind of thing – maybe they can help you.”
As it turned out, though, Chickenella was busy up in the rafters, and Henna was fully preoccupied with her rooster who was still unable to speak, so the task of recovering the moon fell to Beakyboo.
Should Beakyboo …
Try to go up into the sky, find the moon and bring it back?
Try to get Henna’s rooster to eat some dragonweed?
The paper?
“It is a very easy thing you ask me for,” Chomper said. “Take the paper and do with it as you will.”
So Henna took the nice piece of cream-colored paper to a cozy corner table so that she could shred it and make herself a nest. The little round table was the perfect spot to lay an egg, all tucked away in the corner with a nice candle burning in the center of the tablecloth. The place even came with its very own gnome, a funny little fellow only about five times as big as Henna, with a long white beard and a pointy red cap. He sat there happily slurping his scallion soup as he watched Henna shred the paper on the table in front of him.
And she watched him, and particularly, his pointy hat. In spite of being quite pointy, it appeared to be made of soft red felt. Surely it would make a fine addition to her nest.
So she hopped up onto the gnome’s shoulder and knocked his hat off. He didn’t mind, as gnomes typically don’t get that bothered about such things, especially when they have some nice scallion soup to slurp. The effect on Henna, however, was quite dramatic.
As soon as the hat was removed, Henna saw what the gnome had been hiding under it – a handsome red rooster balanced on the top of his head. He seemed to have forgotten that he had put the bird there, as he let out a little exclamation of surprise when it hopped down onto the table. The gnome’s amazement did not last long, though, and he quickly got back to slurping.
Henna was in love. She forgot her nest-building completely and began following the rooster around as he hopped down to the floor to check for crumbs. She tried giving him a tour of the restaurant, but since he had never eaten any dragonweed and couldn’t talk or even understand her, he mostly ignored her and just looked for crumbs.
Henna was so preoccupied with the handsome rooster that she didn’t even notice that she had knocked the candle over with her tail as she had hopped off the table. The shredded paper quickly caught fire, and soon enough the tablecloth was starting to burn, too.
The gnome continued sitting there peacefully, watching the table burn as he slurped his scallop soup. He could have put the fire out by pouring his soup on it, but it was really good soup.
Thankfully, Henna’s big sister Beakyboo happened to be on her way into the restaurant. Seeing the burning table, she grabbed a glass of water from an inattentive goblin, flapped over to the gnome’s table and doused the fire, saving the restaurant and everyone in it.
The goblin had mixed feelings about this. His life had been spared, but at the same time, he had to order another glass of water, and that was kind of a pain. But at least the water was free.
At that moment, a tall human with long gray hair and a telescope tucked under her arm burst into the restaurant. She was the royal astronomer. “The moon! The moon!” she cried.
For the second time that day, Chomper the Dragon emerged from the kitchen. “What’s wrong with the moon?” he asked.
“We’ve lost it!” the astronomer cried. “It’s gotten away! Vanished! I can’t find it in the sky anywhere!”
The dragon furrowed his scaly brow. “That does sound like a problem,” he said. “Sadly, I’m too busy in the kitchen to do anything about it right now. But I have three super free-range chickens who are usually good at this kind of thing – maybe they can help you.”
As it turned out, though, Chickenella was busy up in the rafters, and Henna was fully preoccupied with her rooster who was still unable to speak. So the task of recovering the moon fell to Beakyboo.
Should Beakyboo …
Try to go up into the sky, find the moon and bring it back?
Try to get Henna’s rooster to eat some dragonweed?
Find the moon and bring it back?
Well, Beakyboo certainly wasn’t about to just sit around and let the humans make a mess of things by losing the whole moon. She rather liked the moon. It reminded her of a big, glowing egg.
It was a perfect day for flying, Beakyboo found as she headed out of the restaurant. The sun was shining in the pretty blue sky, which was dotted with a few puffy white clouds. There was a slight breeze, just enough to be pleasant. However, just as the royal astronomer had claimed, the moon was nowhere to be seen. At least, not from down here on the ground. But perhaps from up on one of those clouds …
Now, the average chicken can only reach a height of about ten to fifteen feet. But Beakyboo, as you may recall, was no average chicken. She ate dragonweed every day, and so, strengthened by its magic, she was able to fly up twenty feet, which is just about as tall as a two-story house!
Unfortunately, her first attempt did not get her up to the cloud she was aiming for. She missed on her second try, too. And so the day continued, with failure after failure as afternoon wore on into evening and the sun slowly sank towards the horizon. Around nightfall, the moon, perhaps embarrassed to put her to all this trouble, poked its glowing white head out. The royal astronomer, a number of restaurant patrons and Beakyboo’s sisters Henna and Chickenella, who had all come out to watch Beakyboo get the moon back, cheered.
Chomper the Dragon, hearing the sound of cheering, emerged from the kitchen to congratulate the three chicken sisters for recovering the moon. He gave such a beautiful speech that Henna and Chickenella forgot to mention that they hadn’t lifted a wing feather to help, and the royal astronomer forgot to mention that she might have made an error due to tiredness from staying up too many late nights to watch the stars.
Anyway, the three hens were treated as heroes and rewarded handsomely. Chickenella was given an entire bowl full of mealworms, which she ate with great gusto. Henna was given some dragonweed for her rooster, and as soon as he ate it, he became able to understand speech, and he and Henna agreed to marry that very evening. And Beakyboo? Well, the happiness of her two younger sisters was reward enough for her. Also, she got a cupcake. After all, it was Cupcake Week.
THE END
Try to get the rooster to eat some dragonweed?
If the humans were going to be silly enough to lose the whole moon in the middle of the day, that was their problem, Beakyboo decided. She had her little sisters to take care of, and she could see that her sister Henna was currently in distress.
That new rooster was handsome enough, but he and Henna seemed to be having real communication issues. Henna would follow the rooster around, eagerly trying to show him things, complimenting his nice red feathers and trying to spend quality time with him, but he could not understand any of her ways of expressing her love. Because he had not yet eaten any dragonweed and therefore couldn’t understand speech, his main love language seemed to be looking for crumbs.
Beakyboo, seeing this, decided to take it upon herself to do some premarital counseling. She went out behind the restaurant, picked some dragonweed, then brought it inside. Helping herself to half of a plain biscuit that some restaurant guest had left behind, she crumbled it and mixed the crumbs with some dragonweed. Finally, she urged her sister to lead the rooster to the resulting little pile of crumbs and dragonweed.
The rooster was thrilled to see the crumbs. Now Henna was speaking his language! He ate with gusto, swallowing a few pieces of dragonweed at the same time.
“Can you speak now, my dear?” Henna asked once the rooster had finished the crumbs and the dragonweed.
“Yes, my darling,” the rooster reply. “You are so good to me. Shall we wed this evening?”
Henna agreed, and so Beakyboo and Chickenella and all the customers in the restaurant worked together to plan the biggest, most extravagant chicken wedding the kingdom had ever seen. There were four whole bowls of mealworms, a cupcake (because it was Cupcake Week) and an entire platter of crumbs!
The moon even made an appearance as the sun went down, arriving fashionably late as usual. The royal astronomer was especially thrilled to see it, though she reflected that she might have made an error regarding the seriousness of not being able to find the moon in the middle of the day. This kind of things can happen when one misses too much sleep by staying up all night watching the stars.
But that night, the royal astronomer, the four super free-range chickens, Chomper the Dragon and all his customers slept well. And I hope that you will too, when the time comes.
THE END
Trolyrien 